I WAS INSPIRED TO WRITE THIS BLOG ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO by AN EXCELLENT WEBSITE FOR THE MINDS OF MEN AND WOMEN TO COME TOGETHER. THEY GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE TRUTH, FROM BOTH A FEMALE AND MALE PERSPECTIVE. "BOTH SIDES OF THE TRUTH," http://bothsidesofthetruth.com HAD A TOPIC WHICH ASKED, "CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHOM YOU DON'T TRUST?" THIS IS A MAJOR STRUGGLE FOR ME ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS. MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT LOVE AND TRUST GO HAND IN HAND, WHEN IN ACTUALITY, THEY ARE TWO SEPARATE ENTITY'S. YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME, BUT AT LEAST CONSIDER MY REASONING.
LOVE IS AN INSTINCT. IT IS NOT TAUGHT, YOU ARE BORN WITH IT. FOR EXAMPLE, WE ARE BORN TO LOVE THOSE THAT MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO OUR EXISTENCE. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE. HOW MANY OF US KNOW "THAT" CHILD THAT WAS BORN TO A DRUG ADDICTED MOTHER; A FATHER THAT HAS A FIXATION WITH MOLESTING CHILDREN (INCLUDING HIS OWN); AND THE ONES WHO ARE SIMPLY "JUST" NEGLECTED. THOSE ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH REASONS NOT TO T.R.U.S.T. SOMEONE...BUT, DOES IT EVER STOP THAT CHILD FROM LOVING THEM, OR LONGING THE LOVE FROM THEM (NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY GET)? YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT ANSWER. CERTAIN LOVES ARE UNCONDITIONAL, THOUGH THE CONNECTION OR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN TAINTED BY UNWELCOME BEHAVIORS....THE LOVE IS STILL THERE.
TRUST IS NOT AN INSTINCT, IT'S A LEARNED BEHAVIOR. YOU'RE NEVER TAUGHT "NOT TO LOVE" BUT YOU ARE TAUGHT HOW TO "TRUST." WHEN A CHILD IS BORN, THEIR SPIRIT IS PURE. THEY TRUST AND LOVE EVERYONE, UNTIL THEY ARE TAUGHT NOT TO TRUST. DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS...YOU MAY BE KIDNAPPED. DON'T LET ANYONE TOUCH YOUR PRIVATE PARTS...THAT'S A BAD THING. DON'T EAT YOUR TRICK OR TREAT CANDY BEFORE I CHECK IT....SOMEONE MAY POISON YOU. COME IN BEFORE THE STREET LIGHTS COME ON....IT'S DANGEROUS AFTER DARK. AT A YOUNG AGE YOU ARE TAUGHT NOT TO "TRUST" WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THROUGHOUT ALL OF THESE LESSONS, OF WHAT TO FEAR AND WHO NOT TO TRUST, NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU WHO NOT TO LOVE (AT LEAST, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING FROM THE EVILEST PEOPLE I KNOW.) SO, WHERE DOES THE CONNECTION BETWEEN LOVE AND "TRUST" COME IN?
I THINK THAT WE NEED TO DEFINE "TRUST" BEFORE WE CONNECT IT TO LOVE. PEOPLE "TRUST" THAT THEIR LOVED ONES WILL ACT AND RE-ACT IN THE WAY THAT THEY WOULD LIKE THEM TO. THE FIRST THING YOU HEAR OUT OF SOMEONE'S MOUTH, WHO FEELS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN BETRAYED, IS "I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT TO YOU!" IN THESE SITUATIONS, THE IDEA OF T.R.U.S.T. HAS BEEN BASED ON THE UNREALISTIC BELIEF THAT OTHERS WILL HAVE THE SAME MINDSET, AS YOU, AT ALL TIMES. YOU EXPECT THEM TO KNOW HOW "YOU" FEEL, HOW TO ACT ON "YOUR" FEELINGS, AND HOW TO RE-ACT TO "YOUR" ACTIONS.....IN A MANNER THAT ACCOMMODATES "YOUR" NEEDS....AND WHEN THEY DON'T......WE DON'T T.R.U.S.T. THEM. BUT, IF YOU TRULY UNDERSTOOD THEIR MINDSET, THERE WOULD BE NO BETRAYAL. FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU ARE WITH A FRIEND AND GET INTO A PHYSICAL ALTERCATION WITH ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE....YOUR FRIEND FLEES THE SCENE AND LEAVES YOU TO HOLD YOUR OWN. IMMEDIATELY, THE FRIENDSHIP IS TAINTED, AND YOU HAVE LOST "TRUST" IN THEM. BUT, IF YOU TOOK INTO CONSIDERATION THAT YOUR FRIEND HAD A VERY ABUSIVE AND TRAUMATIZING CHILDHOOD. YOU'D UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT THEY ARE DEATHLY AFRAID OF VIOLENCE. WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT MINDSET, ALTHOUGH IT'S NOT WHAT YOU WOULD DO, THERE'S NO LOVE LOST. INSTEAD OF BLAMING THE FRIEND FOR LEAVING YOU, YOU CAN JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU GOT YOUR ASS WHOOPED LOL.
NO TWO PEOPLE, NO MATTER HOW COMPATIBLE THEY ARE OR HOW "ALIKE" THEY SEEM, ARE TRULY IDENTICAL (NOT EVEN IDENTICAL TWINS!) THEIR STRUGGLES AND EXPERIENCES ARE DIFFERENT. YOU AND I CAN ENDURE THE SAME PAIN AND TALK ABOUT IT ALL DAY LONG TOGETHER...BUT, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE'VE PROCESSED IT THE SAME, NOR WILL WE ALWAYS HANDLE IT THE SAME WAY. NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TALK AND HANG OUT TOGETHER, SHARE STORIES, OR MIX BODILY FLUIDS.....I CAN NEVER BE YOU....I CAN NEVER TRULY UNDERSTAND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS....AND VICE VERSA....I CAN RELATE TO A LOT OF PEOPLE AND I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF SHIT. HOWEVER, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW I COPE WITH THE THINGS IN MY LIFE. I'LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT MY WAYS OF HANDLING THINGS AND SITUATIONS ARE UNIQUE. FOR ME, I HAVE TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO PRESERVE ME.....BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. BUT, I LOVE MY LOVED ONES UNCONDITIONALLY! DO I EXPECT THEM TO UNDERSTAND MOST OF MY ACTIONS? NO.........BUT, I EXPECT THEM TO T.R.U.S.T MY DECISIONS. IT SOUNDS EASY, BUT IT'S A BIG REQUEST WHEN YOU CONSIDER MY DEFINITION OF T.R.U.S.T. BEFORE I ELABORATE ON MY INTERPRETATION OF IT, FIRST TAKE A MOMENT TO DETERMINE YOUR DEFINITION. WHEN YOU SAY YOU TRUST SOMEONE....HOW DO YOU TRUST THEM? WHY DO YOU TRUST THEM? IS IT TRUST, OR IS IT REALLY A SET OF EXPECTATIONS?
LOL I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR ANSWERS, SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON THIS POST!
ALL THE TIME YOU HEAR PEOPLE SAY, "I TRUST YOU WITH MY LIFE!" WOW....FOR REAL? THE ONLY TRUST I GIVE FOR MY LIFE IS TO GOD. ANYONE ELSE, IS SIMPLY A HUMAN BEING, JUST AS I AM. HOW CAN I EXPECT TO TRUST YOU WITH MY LIFE? YOU HAVE A FAMILY AND KIDS WHO NEED YOU, JUST AS I DO, BUT I EXPECT FOR YOU TO RISK JAIL TIME FOR ME? YOU HAVE SOO MANY THINGS IN LIFE TO LIVE FOR, BUT I EXPECT YOU TO TAKE A BULLET FOR ME? I HAVE HAD SOO MANY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AND EXPERIENCES IN MY LIFE THAT REALLY SHOULD HAVE COMPLETELY ROBBED ME OF THE LITTLE SANITY (I HAVE LEFT) TO SIT AND WRITE THIS....AND YOU EXPECT ME TO ADJUST MY MINDSET (THAT KEEPS ME SANE) FOR YOU? THESE AREN'T EXAMPLES OF TRUST....THESE ARE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!
NOW I WILL GIVE YOU MY DEFINITION OF T.R.U.S.T......IN MY MIND, THE DEFINITION IS, "TRULY & RESPECTFULLY UNDERSTANDING SOMEONE'S THOUGHTS" (T.R.U.S.T.) THAT'S "TRUST"......TO TAKE ALL OF THE INFORMATION THAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES, AND TRULY UNDERSTAND EVERY THOUGHT, ACTION, AND REACTION, THAT I WILL HAVE IN ANY GIVEN SITUATION.....SOLELY BASED UPON UNDERSTANDING MY THOUGHT PROCESS. "TRUST" CAN NOT BE BROKEN IF YOU UNDERSTAND ME, AND WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH.....EVERY STATEMENT I STATE, AND EVERY MOVE I MAKE...IF YOU HONESTLY T.R.U.S.T. ME, THEN MY THOUGHT PROCESS SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD. ALTHOUGH, YOU MAY NOT AGREE WITH THE WAY THAT I HANDLE THINGS, YOU CAN RESPECT MY WAY OF DOING THINGS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF MY THOUGHT PROCESS. IS IT REALISTIC FOR ONE TO EXPECT THAT? NOT REALLY...BECAUSE, WHAT DO WE SAY, AS SOON AS SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING WE DON'T UNDERSTAND...."WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" LOL YOU'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL. OUR MINDS OPERATE BASED ON OUR LIFE EXPERIENCES....THAT IS WHY THERE'S A DIFFERENCE IN INTELLIGENCE. ONE CAN HAVE BOOK SMARTS, ANOTHER CAN HAVE STREET SMARTS, AND SOME ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO POSSESS THEM BOTH. ALL 3 OF THESE INDIVIDUALS CAN CO-EXIST, THEY WILL NEVER TRULY RELATE....BUT THEY CAN ALWAYS LOVE AND RESPECT ONE ANOTHER FOR WHO THEY ARE. IF I KNOW YOU, AND I KNOW YOU COULD PROBABLY NEVER WALK IN MY SHOES, WITHOUT BREAKING A HEEL, SHOULD I STOP LOVING YOU FOR NOT HAVING MY SHOE SIZE?
I PERSONALLY DON'T THINK LOVE AND T.R.U.S.T. GO HAND IN HAND. THEY ARE 2 SEPARATE ENTITY'S. SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION....DO I T.R.U.S.T. (TRULY & RESPECTFULLY UNDERSTAND SOMEONES THOUGHTS?) MY ANSWER IS HELL TO THE NAW! I DON'T T.R.U.S.T. MY DAMN SELF.....BUT I'VE BEEN BLESSED TO UNDERSTAND LIFE AND IT'S STRUGGLES...SO YOU CAN BEST BELIEVE THAT IF I LOVE YOU, ALTHOUGH I DON'T "TRUST" YOU, I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY....THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT!
(PICTURE ABSTRACTED FROM http://elenaibanez.files.wordpress.com)
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