WHO IS GOING TO LOVE ME?

I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ME IN A MINUTE. I APOLOGIZE, I KNOW I PROMISED TO STAY CONSISTENT, BUT MY MIND DECIDED NOT TO JOIN IN ON THIS PROMISE.

YOU SEE, ALL OF THE POSTS THAT I ATTEMPT TO COMPLETE LATELY ARE ABOUT LOVE. I HAVE TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS, SOO FAST, AS I SAY THE WORD "LOVE." OOH I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS...I MEAN WHAT IT'S TRULY LIKE. I'M NOT CURIOUS ABOUT HOW TO GIVE IT, BUT I WANT SOO BAD TO RECEIVE IT. I MEAN LOVE! LIKE, I LOVE MY DOG, BUT HE'S BEEN ON THE PATIO FOR TWO DAYS, AND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ASIAN, CAMBODIAN, CHINESE, HOOD RESTAURANT WANTS TO BUY SOME WHITE FLUFFY MEAT. HE'S GETTING ON MY NERVES SOO BAD RIGHT NOW. BUT, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I'M TALKING ABOUT "LOVE" PERIOD. NOT THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR YOUR FAVORITE THINGS, BUT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. LOVE THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPLAIN IN WORDS. I KNOW IT EXISTS BECAUSE, I'M CAPABLE OF GIVING IT, THAT'S THE VERY REASON WHY I'M AFRAID OF IT.

FOR ME LOVE IS PRECIOUS AND PURE. IT'S SOMETHING THAT CAN NEVER BE TAINTED OR TAKEN AWAY. I'VE EXPERIENCED IT WITH MY CHILDREN. THEY LOVE ME!!! MAN DO THEY LOVE ME! YOU CAN SEE IT ON THEIR FACE. YOU CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYES. YOU CAN HEAR IT IN THEIR VOICES. I CAN FEEL IT IN THEIR TOUCH THAT THEY LOVE ME....GENUINELY, INNOCENTLY, BY NATURE, BY HABIT, BY CHOICE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY....EFFORTLESSLY, IT COMES NATURALLY FOR THEM....WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. THEY LOVE ME ON MY GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS. THEY LOVE ME WHEN I'M CUTE AS FUCK AND WHEN I'M UGLY AS HELL (IN SOMEBODY'S BLIND EYES LOL), THEY LOVE ME!!!!!!! WITH ALL THE LOVE THEY GIVE ME, AND I GIVE TO THEM 10 FOLD, I'M SCARED TO LOVE.

I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOVE LIKE THAT FROM ANYONE BUT MY KIDS. YEAH I GOT MY MY PARTICULAR "LOVED ONES" THAT WILL BE HERE FOR ME 'TIL THE WHEELS FALL OFF, AND WILL MOST DEFINITELY HURT YOU IF YOU HURT ME. BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME AS THE LOVE OF A MAN, AND THE LOVE OF TWO PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP. THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE. DO RELATIONSHIPS REALLY HAVE THE MUTUAL KIND OF LOVE THAT I WANT SOO BAD? WHEN I CRY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW TO FIX IT, WHEN I'M SAD I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME HAPPY, WHEN I'M HORNY....WELL OK! :0 LOL

I KNEW AS A LITTLE GIRL, THAT I HAD ALL THIS LOVE AND NO ONE TO GIVE IT TO...AT LEAST NO ONE THAT WOULD GIVE IT BACK. SO I CREATED A SHIELD. I LET PEOPLE IN AND I LOVED THEM. THE SAME WAY I LOVE MY DOG, WHO HAS BEEN ON THE PATIO FOR TWO DAYS. I LOVED THEM JUST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO DETACH MYSELF WHEN NECESSARY. NOW, AS I'M DEALING WITH AND EMBRACING WHO I AM, I HAVE BECOME EAGER TO LOVE AND EAGER TO RECEIVE LOVE. NOT JUST "OH I LOVE HER"...BUT, "DAMN!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!'

I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND OF MINE THE OTHER DAY (NOT A FRIEND, A SISTER) AND SHE SAID "I'VE BEEN KNOWING YOU FOR OVER 20 YEARS AND I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU." I'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE AND IT WAS TOO THE POINT THAT I WAS BECOMING OFFENDED AND ANNOYED WITH THIS STATEMENT. SHE WENT ON TO EXPLAIN. SHE SAID "YOU DON'T LET VERY MANY PEOPLE IN TO YOUR HEART. BUT, WHEN YOU DO, YOU LOVE THEM AND YOU LOVE THEM HARD. " SHE SAID, " YOU CAN CURSE THEM OUT! AND THE MORE YOU CURSE AT THEM, THE MORE YOU LOVE THEM!" I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STUPID TO YOU, BUT FOR ME, I UNDERSTOOD EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS SAYING. MY LOVE, THOUGH RARELY GIVEN, IS GENUINE, IT'S REAL, IT'S IRREPLACEABLE, AND IT'S RARE TO FIND. THAT'S WHY I'M AFRAID TO GIVE IT.

LOVE TAKES ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO GIVE. WHEN I LOVE, THAT PERSON'S NEEDS BECOME MY NEEDS, THEIR HAPPINESS BEGINS TO LIE IN MY HANDS, THEIR PAIN BECOMES MY PAIN, AND THEIR STRUGGLES BECOME ALL MINE. THAT'S EXACTLY THE TYPE OF LOVE I EXPECT, NOT WANT, IN RETURN. THIS IS WHERE I GET SCARED.........

I TRULY FEAR FALLING IN LOVE.....MY "GOD!".......IF I LOVE YOU, MY FOCUS BECOMES YOU, AND IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO LOVE ME THE SAME WAY....WHO IS GOING TO LOVE ME?