SOMEWHERE, ONE DAY, I READ A PASSAGE SENT SPECIFICALLY TO ME THAT SAID "GOD GIVES TO THOSE ACCORDING TO WHO YOU ARE. IF YOU WANT THE THINGS AROUND YOU TO CHANGE, YOU MUST FIRST CHANGE YOURSELF." IT HIT ME HARD...IT STRUCK A NERVE...IT PISSED ME OFF....IT HURT MY FEELINGS...IT SHATTERED MY VIEW OF WHO I AM...BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT NEVER LEFT MY MIND.
ALTHOUGH I KNOW I'M A GOOD PERSON, A DAMN GOOD WOMAN, A VERY GOOD MOTHER, AND A BEING RARE TO FIND, MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN PLAGUED BY NEGATIVITY. NEGATIVE PEOPLE, NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES, NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES, NEGATIVE SURROUNDINGS, AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. BECAUSE OF MY LIFE'S JOURNEY, SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I TRAINED MYSELF TO BE NEGATIVE. MY PESSIMISTIC MIND IS TRAINED TO ALWAYS EXPECT THE WORSE AND FOR SOME SICK REASON, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT, I WON'T BE LET DOWN IF IT DOESN'T GET BETTER. NEEDLESS TO SAY I CONTINUOUSLY FEEL LET DOWN. I TIMELESSLY WONDER WHY I DON'T HAVE PEACE OF MIND, WHY I CAN'T SLEEP, WHY I'M TORTURED BY NEGATIVE SITUATIONS, AND WHY I'VE EMBRACED NEGATIVE PEOPLE.
AS I LAY HERE TODAY, WITH THIS BRIGHT SUNNY SKY, FULL OF SORROW AND DARKNESS WITH UNWILLINGNESS TO EVEN GET OUT OF BED, I REALIZE THE CHANGE I'M SEEKING FOR LIES WITHIN ME. I HAVE ENDURED THE IMPOSSIBLE TIME AND AGAIN AND HAVEN'T HAD THE COMMON SENSE TO USE THAT SAME STRENGTH I USED TO GET THROUGH THOSE TIMES TO FIGHT THE BATTLE WITHIN ME. I DESERVE MORE THAN NEGATIVE PEOPLE, NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES, NEGATIVE SITUATIONS, AND NEGATIVE SURROUNDINGS. YET, MY DEMEANOR SENDS OUT A CALLING CARD FOR ALL THINGS NEGATIVE TO COME MY WAY.
ALL THOSE SAYINGS AND INNUENDO'S....BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, YOU GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR...ETC. FINALLY MAKE SENSE. I CAN'T AND WON'T FIND PEACE OF MIND WITHIN OTHER PEOPLE, SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, MATERIAL THINGS, OR FINANCIAL SATISFACTION. IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE WITHIN ME.
WHAT SENSE DOES IT MAKE TO BE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES THAT THE WORLD HAS TO SEE IF YOU CONTINUE TO SLITHER LIKE A CATERPILLAR AND NEVER FIND THE COURAGE TO SPREAD YOUR WINGS? I KNOW MY WORTH AND I KNOW MY PURPOSE. WITH THAT BEING SAID, INSTEAD OF SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR OTHERS TO REALIZE IT, IT'S TIME I SHOW YOU BETTER THAN I CAN TELL YOU. THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN AND WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW....IS "CHANGE IS GONNA COME."
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