LIFE EXPERIENCES HAVE CAUSED MY WAY OF THINKING TO BE SOMEWHAT DISTORTED. IT'S BEEN MY COPING MECHANISM FOR SOO LONG. IT WORKS FOR ME, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT CAN BE HARMFUL TO WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME. I'VE SURVIVED ALL THE HURT AND PAIN THAT I'VE EXPERIENCED IN LIFE THROUGH REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. AS I AM HEALING AND MATURING, I AM LEARNING THAT MY WAY IS NOT ALWAYS THE RIGHT WAY. IT DOESN'T ALLOW ME TO FEEL THE WAY I DESERVE TO FEEL, OR DO THE THINGS THAT I DESERVE TO DO. I KNOW THAT YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING WTF IS SHE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? OK HERE IT IS, I ADMIT IT, I'M NEGATIVE. I AM A NEGATIVE INDIVIDUAL AND I DON'T HAVE FAITH IN ANYONE BUT GOD AND MYSELF. I DON'T DEPEND ON ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME I EXPECT FOR PEOPLE TO TREAT ME AS I WOULD TREAT THEM. I'M BEGINNING TO REALIZE THAT, ALONE, IS EXPECTING TOO MUCH. I HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT I AM TRULY AN INDIVIDUAL. GOOD OR BAD, I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE ME, AND YOU PROBABLY WON'T EITHER. THEREFORE, I CAN'T EXPECT ANYONE TO KNOW HOW TO TREAT THE UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL THAT GOD CREATED ME TO BE. HOW WILL THEY KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS (UNLESS THEY'VE FELT WHAT I'VE FELT)? HOW CAN YOU TELL WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY (IF I RESIST YOUR ATTEMPTS TO MAKE ME SMILE)? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED FROM YOU (IF I NEVER TELL YOU WHAT I WANT)? HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY WHO ALWAYS APPEARS MAD OR DISCONNECTED (WHEN DEEP INSIDE ALL THEY WANT IS TO BE HAPPY)? HOW DOES SOMEONE NURTURE SOMEONE WHOM THEY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FULLY UNDERSTAND?
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY HAS CREATED A WALL BETWEEN MY FEELINGS AND OTHER PEOPLES' FEELINGS. MY BIGGEST FEAR IN LIFE IS BEING HURT, SO I DO WHAT I FEEL IS NECESSARY TO AVOID EXPERIENCING THAT FEELING. OFTEN TIMES, IT RESULTS IN ME PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY, WHEN I FEEL LIKE THEY ARE GETTING TO CLOSE TO ME. I SABOTAGE WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR FEAR OF SOMETHING GOING WRONG. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, FOR ME, IS TO ALWAYS EXPECT THE NEGATIVE IN ORDER TO AVOID EVER BEING LET DOWN. I DON'T LIVE MY LIFE THINKING ABOUT WHAT COULD BE, I THINK ABOUT WHAT IT IS...AND FOR SOO LONG IT'S EITHER BEEN BLACK OR WHITE. IT'S LIKE I'M COLOR BLIND. I DON'T SEE THE POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW, BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN A RAINBOW. IT'S ABOUT WHAT'S IN FRONT OF ME AT THE MOMENT AND IT'S EITHER A POT OF GOLD, OR IT'S AN EMPTY CAN. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'VE DONE A LOT OF RECYCLING. WHEN I KNOW SOMETHING OR SOMEONE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO HURT ME...I GET RID OF IT.
TAKE RELATIONSHIPS FOR INSTANCE. SOMEONE ONCE SAID, "ALWAYS BE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM." I TRULY BELIEVE THAT IS HOW I LIVED MY LIFE, WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING IT. I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? A WOMAN WELL IN HER 30'S AND I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'VE LOVED.....BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE AND I TRULY BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO. I'VE LOVED FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND EVEN MY DOG. THERE IS NO WAY TO EXPLAIN THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY KIDS BUT, TO ACTUALLY OPEN MY HEART IN THAT MANNER TO A MAN, HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN ISSUE FOR ME. TO ADD SOME CLARITY, I HAVE NO INTEREST IN WOMEN, I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN IN LOVE WITH A MAN. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE LOVE I HAVE FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, AND THE PERSON I'M DATING IS THE INTIMACY. BUT, SEX IS NOT THE WAY TO MY HEART. ALTHOUGH, I MAY BE LOW KEY ADDICTED TO IT (WITH THE RIGHT PERSON) LOL....THERE IS NO CONFUSION BETWEEN LOVE AND SEX FOR ME. I'VE NEVER KNOWN LOVE THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THE WAY TO MY HEART IS NOT THROUGH FEELINGS OF THE FLESH, BUT THROUGH MEETINGS OF THE MINDS. I'VE NEVER LET ANYONE GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO MY MIND TO TRULY HAVE MY HEART. I'VE ALWAYS FEARED THAT NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND ME. TO MOST, I APPEAR HARD WHEN DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I'M EXTREMELY FRAGILE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS EXPECTED THE WORSE. I'VE BEEN LET DOWN BY MY FATHER, BROTHERS, UNCLES, COUSINS, FRIENDS, AND MEN I NEVER KNEW IN THE FIRST PLACE. SOO IN RELATIONSHIPS, I'VE ALWAYS EXPECTED IT, AND I WAS ALWAYS RIGHT WHEN I SUSPECTED IT.
SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW? HOW DO YOU CHANGE PATTERNS THAT YOU'VE FOLLOWED FOR SOO LONG? IF YOU KNOW AND LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME, HOW DO YOU HELP THEM OUT OF THIS WAY OF THINKING? THE ANSWER.....REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. JUST AS THEY WOULD HAVE TO ADJUST THEIR WAY OF THINKING FOR YOU, YOU WILL NEED TO DO THE SAME. TO BREAK THIS CYCLE YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT DEEP INSIDE, NO MATTER HOW EMOTIONLESS THIS PERSON APPEARS TO BE, THEY ARE REALLY HIDING THE FACT THAT THEY ARE OVERLY EMOTIONAL. THERE IS A BIG HEART IN THERE SOMEWHERE FULL OF LOVE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO GAIN THE TRUST IT REQUIRES TO LET IT OUT. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO THEIR WAY OF THINKING. I'M SAYING STEP OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT THE WAY THAT THEY FEEL AND WHAT THEY'VE EXPERIENCED THAT CREATED THIS WAY OF THINKING IN THE FIRST PLACE. I AM LEARNING TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE IS NOT OUT TO HURT ME AND NOT EVERYONE WILL LET ME DOWN. I CAN'T LET WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN MY PAST BE THE GUIDE TO MY FUTURE. I HAVE OPENED MY HEART AND MY MIND TO LOVE AND EACH DAY IS AN INNER STRUGGLE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE DEEPER I FALL, THE MORE EMOTIONAL I BECOME. I STILL HAVE MY FEARS AND I STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS. HOWEVER I CAN HONESTLY RECOGNIZE MY FLAWS. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, USED IN THE MANNER THAT I'VE USED IT, IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THEM. IF YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO SHARES THIS WAY OF THINKING, KNOW THAT IT IS DEFINITELY TIME FOR CHANGE. IN ORDER TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND BE TRULY HAPPY CHANGE IS MANDATORY. WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT, YOU ARE HURTING SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND MOST OF ALL YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF.
FIX THE PROBLEM. IT'S LIKE MATH, A NEGATIVE AND A POSITIVE WILL ALWAYS MAKE A NEGATIVE. THEY SEE, WHAT THEY FEEL IS, THE SLIGHTEST SIGN OF POTENTIAL TO BE HURT AND THEY'RE ONLY WAY OF COPING IS SUBTRACTION. IF YOU TRULY LOVE THIS PERSON, FIND A FORMULA THAT WILL CHANGE THAT NEGATIVE INTO A POSITIVE AND THINGS WILL BE POSITIVE FOR BOTH OF YOU. PEOPLE IN THIS MINDSET EXPECT YOU TO FAIL THEM AND LET THEM DOWN. THAT'S THE ONLY EXPECTATION THEY HAVE OF YOU,.SO IF YOU GIVE UP AND GIVE IN, YOU HAVE DONE JUST THAT.....FAILED THEM AND LET THEM DOWN. NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY EXPECT FROM YOU, USE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY AND PROVE THEM WRONG. YOU'LL BE SURPRISED AT THE AMOUNT OF LOVE YOU'LL FIND ONCE THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED.
FOR ME TO CONVERT MY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY WILL BE AN ONGOING EFFORT. I'M STILL AFRAID OF BEING HURT, BUT I NO LONGER FEAR BEING IN LOVE. DOES THIS MEAN I'M FINALLY IN IT? HMMM WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE ANSWER IS THERE, JUST USE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY...LMAO ;)
PEACE OUT
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I'm really fond of your ability/gift to put into words and express the way you feel. I agree with you "not trusting anyone but God" however I don't trust myself. I have to lean on the Lord for all things. I also agree with "Not putting faith in people". People, are only human just like you and I. I sometimes disappoint myself so therefore I can not expect/depend on other people to do what they say they will do. Whether it's be there for me when times get tough, understand a situation I'm going through. It's not to say I'm not disappointed but I do not put expect people to do, act or understand the way I do. Because they have not going through what I was/have. I'm glad your speaking on the topics. Please keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI APPRECIATE EVERYONE'S COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK. YOU'RE SUPPORT IS MY MOTIVATION. I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR SOO LONG TO PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS THAT OTHER'S CAN RELATE TO AND UNDERSTAND. I'M FINALLY COMING TO A POINT OF PEACE WITH MY LIFE SO THAT I CAN SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU. THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND ME, AND OTHERS LIKE ME. I ENCOURAGE ANY QUESTIONS, FEEDBACK, CRITICISM, AND SUGGESTIONS. THE MORE THAT WE CONVERSE ABOUT THE TOPICS THE MORE INFORMATION I WILL BE ABLE TO SHARE WITH YOU.
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