IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME" DON'T BELIEVE THAT SHIT. IT'S REALLY YOU, AND THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS OR THEY JUST AREN'T BIG ENOUGH TO SAY IT. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU," TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH. WHATEVER IT MAY BE, IT'S JUST REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU. THIS IS A STATEMENT THAT HAS A MAJOR AFFECT ON MY LIFE. I HAVE STRUGGLES AND WAYS OF DEALING WITH THINGS, THAT OTHERS MAY NEVER UNDERSTAND. THE CHOICES THAT I MAKE TO HANDLE CERTAIN SITUATIONS MAY OFTEN IMPACT OTHERS. I OFTEN THINK THIS IS A COMBINATION OF SELFISHNESS AND INSECURITY, AND I OFTEN WONDER ON WHO'S PART (MINE OR THEIRS.) MY INTENTIONS ARE NOT TO HURT OTHERS' ...MY INTENTIONS ARE TO SURVIVE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I WAS ONCE TOLD THAT THE MIND IS LIKE A CLOSET. LIFE EXPERIENCES AND TRAUMAS, FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS, MEMORIES AND DREAMS ARE ALL ITEMS THAT WE PLACE IN THIS CLOSET. AS THEY COME, YOU BEGIN TO STACK THEM NEATLY AGAINST THE BACK WALL. TRAGEDIES AND HURT OFTEN COME IN BIGGER PACKAGES AND REQUIRE A LOT MORE SPACE. THE MORE TIME GOES BY, AND THE MORE YOU EXPERIENCE IN LIFE, THE LESS STORAGE SPACE YOUR CLOSET WILL HAVE. YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE TO COME NEAR THIS CLOSET BECAUSE AS SOON AS THEY TRY TO OPEN THE DOOR, ALL OF YOUR JUNK WILL FALL ON THEM. THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS TO STAY IN THERE UNTIL YOU CAN GET THINGS ORGANIZED. JUST LIKE ANY HOME, YOUR MIND REQUIRES SPRING CLEANING, AND YOU NEED TO TAKE THE TIME TO CLEAR OUT SOME SPACE, GO THROUGH THAT CLOSET, REMOVE THE CLUTTER, AND THROW AWAY THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT. IF YOU FAIL TO DO SO, IT DOESN'T STOP THE PACKAGES FROM COMING, IT JUST CONTINUES TO DEPLETE YOUR STORAGE SPACE UNTIL THERE IS NO MORE ROOM. YOU'RE STUCK IN THIS SPACE, SURROUNDED BY CLUTTER, AND YOU CAN'T REACH THE DOOR TO LET ANYTHING IN OR OUT. NOW, THIS WASN'T INTENTIONAL, YOU'RE NOT INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO HIDE FROM ANYONE AND YOU'RE NOT INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO AVOID ANYTHING...YOU'RE JUST STUCK IN THIS CLOSET UNTIL YOU FIND A WAY TO GET OUT. STUCK IN THIS CLOSET WITH WHATEVER WAS IN THERE BEFORE THE DOOR WAS BLOCKED. CAN YOU IMAGINE? THAT'S A HORRIBLE PLACE FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE TO BE, ALONE IN THE DARK, SURROUNDED BY THINGS THAT THEY DON'T WANT OR NEED. THERE'S A POSSIBILITY THAT YOU DON'T KNOW OR WON'T KNOW THAT THEY'RE TRAPPED IN THERE. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT GETS SOO OUT OF HAND THAT THE DOOR IS BARRICADED AND IT WON'T OPEN. NO MATTER HOW HARD ANYONE TRIES, IT WON'T OPEN FROM THE INSIDE OR THE OUSIDE. DO YOU SIT AROUND BLAMING THEM FOR BEING IN THERE, OR DO YOU JUST VOW TO BE THERE FOR THEM WHEN THEY COME OUT? THINK ABOUT IT.

THIS IS OFTEN THE SCENARIO FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED TRAUMA'S. IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE REGARDLESS OF ANYONE'S SIMILAR EXPERIENCES, THERE ARE DIFFERENCES IN THE WAY EACH INDIVIDUAL HANDLES THEM. IF PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THEIR WAY OF COPING WILL AFFECT OTHERS, THEY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COPE. FURTHERMORE, COPING IS JUST SETTLING, AT SOME POINT ONE HAS TO REALIZE THAT'S IT'S TIME TO CLEAN OUT THE CLOSET. NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP HIM OR HER DO THIS BECAUSE IT'S HIS OR HER STUFF. ONLY HE OR SHE WOULD KNOW HOW TO SORT THROUGH IT. IF ONE ALLOWED YOU TO HELP, HE OR SHE WOULD SPEND MORE TIME EXPLAINING TO YOU WHAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO KEEP AND WHAT THEY NEED TO GET RID OF. BUT IN THE MEAN TIME THEY'RE COLLECTING MORE SHIT. THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE IT IS TO FREE UP SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF TO REALLY GET IN THERE AND SORT THROUGH THE CLUTTER. NO ONE WITH A SOUND MIND LIKES TO LIVE WITH CLUTTER. IT WOULD BE SELFISH OF YOU NOT TO WANT THEM TO BE FREE IF IT AND IT WOULD BE INSECURE OF YOU TO THINK THE ABSENCE IT TAKES TO DO SO HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. THE BEST SUPPORT THAT YOU CAN GIVE IS TO UNDERSTAND THAT, IF YOU'RE NOT IN THAT CLOSET, AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN THERE THAT BELONGS TO YOU THEN, "IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT YOU."